No blog but photos

I can't really wait to see my cousin.
Introducing my Big-eye Jerry,yo~


And there he lies besides his nephew(mine too.)


And Jerry's sisters.


I assured you that I didn't do anything. No mirror, no photoshoped, no nothing.

The hyper active duo, Adeline and Angie, who speaks Chinese and Bahasa Indonesia and a widdle bit of ang moh.


On the second day, I went to Jason's relatives house.
You have to give both hands out and surrender to the good looking genes.


I'm talking about the gals...y'know.


Supermodels have to scram cos' Princesses are here.


Here's Ms Missy- Cadence.


And my angel - Charmaine.

And when I took them to the playground, guess what Charmaine saw.


She prefered playing anytime.



Tell us we do look alike...ha.I'm kidding. Nowhere near her beaut.


The focus ain't on how fat and bad I look. It was night and I'm tired. Pardonne moi!


And I show you , A Happy Family~~Lala.

I wish my family is here at house now..={

The First day of Lunar New Year

Actually was still rather sad for me but I had it under control now.
Just dunno when it will strike again and I'm trying my best not to think of it.

I went to bed at 1am but I''m sure I didn't sleep straight away.
Assuming I slept near 2am, I woke up at 3.33am exactly.(Lucky number:0333)
I tried to close my eyes for a little while more.
Heard my mum woke up at aroun 4.30am plus and I follow soon after.

I felt kinda sad sending my parents to departure hall.
Especially when it is sending my mum this time cos' I knew I'm alone for good.
I was very drained and energy-less at the morning. I felt bloodless,almost.
Forgot how I reached home but brother was ready to step out to visit his teacher or friend then.

After he left, I went to my room. Stared at my mirrors, looked at the house and I started crying like a baby.
It seems like a big taboo to do that on New Year but loneliness swallowed me in.
Maybe I'm not quite used to a CNY like this. I dun want other families, I just want mine.

There I was, hugging my big sized Pooh and sobbed.
I badly wish that an angel would suddenly poof infront of me and comfort me. I dun want anyone else but an angel that moment.
5 minutes worth of tears. I get out. Bathed and sleep.

Considered that I slept at 10am, woke 30 minutes later. Sleep for another one hour and woke up and another 30 minutes.
Now 12 noon.
I saw Jason's msg, asking if I would like to go to his granny's house for lunch.

Funny thing is my appetite greatly supressed this CNY.
I didnt really have anything that is considered substantial cos' I am not hungry.
Pineapple tarts failed to tempt me (Not that I have seen any in my house) and I must be hail saint if I really didnt eat any this year(outta greed, not entertainment).

Reasons that I rejected Jason were:
1)I thought I could still sleep.
2)Locations are not in my convenience.
3)I didn't really wanna entertain anyone else (which I have to do later eventually. But one less saves one efforts) when I don't feel happy exactly.

That may be selfish but think...It is selfish too if you think that could cheer me up cos' I know I am only smiling like I have to.
Gimme a break, a room for healing.

I grew up this way. I cry, I wiped my tears. I fall, I get up myself. I really need someone else but I haven't seem to find that one or I never will cos' I grew up this way.

I am still tired,really.

Maybe I will sleep a little more.
Will wake up to do my make up, wear my smile and do the things that I should do then.

Come to think of it,it won't be that bad if I have a dog.
Stinky and Stinko stink and they won't talk.

=/

I know it is not right to feel sad on such a great festive.
I was really happy the day before despite being tired.
Contrary I am not happy when I am energized.

What could be the reason?
The arguement between me and my brother this morning?
The way my life is shaped?
The fact that there is only 3 persons sitting at the dinner table this year?
The coldness covering the whole house today?
The friend who is escaped my world?
The song that is playing over and over again?(Wo zhen de shuo shang le)

I said before...I feel that sadness is a very solitaire emotion.
I don't see how sadness could be divided or shared. You can pour it out but the feel still gnaws there.
I don't see why there should be a rationale for sadness or rather why should sadness be account for?

I wanna stop feeling sad but I don't like it when people asked me to cheer up cos' I have to smile for their sake when I am still blue in colour.

The feeling I have now is one that make me wanna be alone, wanna curl up in my bed and stare at the ceilings or outside the window.
It is not one that make me wanna cry outside but it feels worse than that.

Who can make me happy at this moment?

Umm...hmmm...

Could be the wholeness of my family.
Could be a happy song.
Could be that friend who can warm my world right now.

None acheivable at this point of time.

My brother and dad aint here. Mum's flying in hours to come.
I don't feel like listening to another song.
I don't have to repeat about the last.

I used to think that it is bad luck for the rest of the year if I couldnt feel right at the eve of it.
But logically that is rubbish, I feel.
Nothing and noone can rob my right to feel. I can don't think but I don't wanna not feel.

To brighten up the whole reading for you...
Let me say a happy thing or recount one at least.

Hmm...

Well..sorry I don't feel anything of that now.

Maybe I should end with...

Happy Chinese New Year.
=)

I like you...really.

I know you left me long ago.
Outta reach.
I dun remember doing anything to deserve that.
You could be the best friend I ever ask for.
You could be the mirrored 'me' and we could be the keys to each other locks.
I wish I could still call you a friend when I speak of your name.
But I lost that right overnight.
Why?
A question that I can't answer and don't remember now.

If I see you again, would your smile be real to me?
Would I feel happy or sad?
It still makes me wanna cry losing people like you.
I know you won't think of me now.
Even the days of us being friends could be short as relative to a lifetime.
I really hope you never forget me.
I dont like to cry.
I am afraid to cry.
Crying makes me feel very vunerable and lonely and you are not here.

I like you alot..really.
I don't care what kinda fondness you think I have for you.
It's up to your own comprehension but I won't tell the truth.

I like you,really.

Will still whisper the same old prayers for you.

Don't ask me who are you?
Give me some room for my privacy.
You can be the one if you like to think so.

I just know....

I still like you but you are not here.

Wo (de xing) zhen de shou shang le.

It's never fair!

There is almost hardly a Chinese New Year Eve I can remember without almost picking a fight with my brother.
And today is no exception.
I don't wanna say I am not in fault but I am never the type that displayed tolerence to laziness and uselessness.
I am not saying I am ever not lazy or useful at all times but I expect my sibiling to be as independent as I am trained to be!

I don't know what kinda expectation is that but I don't feel that it is fair when I am the only one that is expected to hold my own life and then others' right and firm.
I don't really expect much. But I DO expect that at age 17 (this year), my brother is capable of doing his share of chores without me pin pointing and later we broke to a fight!
(And dissapoint and upset my mum again.)

At age 17, I expect him to pick his own clothes and dump to the washing machine and NOT leave it in the toilet!
At age 17, I expect him to wash the cups,plates and boil/refill the water on his own initiative and NOt behave like it is none of his business.
At age 17, I expect him to be able to iron his own clothes and help to fold the laundry at times and NOT think it is only but natural for his clothes to be ready at any time he needs!
At age 17,I expect him to FLUSH his own pee away and NOT I yell at him to do so!
At age 17,I expect him to be responsible enough to just give a call if he is not coming home for dinner or be late home and NOT take this house like a hotel anyway!
At age 17,I expect him to leave his own room(at least) neat and tidy and NOT leave his comics wherever he stop reading and his table forever in a mess!
At age 17,I expect him to spare a thought for others and be respectful to others and NOT blog like a saint and live like a fucking liar!
At age 17,I expect so much more of him and I blame my parents (especially my mum) for doing everything for him and result a fucking lazy bum who won't survive in NS!

I think I can still understand why my mum dotes him in a manner like this but I just don't think it is fair to me!

Don't tell me about bull stories about me being elder sibling and so on.
That is not the point and I will never allow to be.
My elder brother left the house!
I am ALWAYS the one who should be sensible and strong.
Don't bullshit about that.
He is 17 not 7!

If we are never rich enough to have a maid to do the chores, WE do it NOT ME alone!
I have utmost disgust for guys who never put in their share of load in chores.
That should be the basic that a person can do even though he can't contribute financially yet!

I almost wanna make a oath but it is unkind.
If I have children,no matter I am rich or poor, I want them to have the sense of empathy, responsiblity, shame and all.
I want them to know how to iron their own clothes, keep their room clean, wash the dirty dishes(at least their own plates!!) without told!
I have a very harsh character inside cos' I am self trained to be!
If they can't wake up on their own for school, let them be late!
If they can't wash their shoes, let them be dirty!
If they can't iron their clothes, let them be crumpled!
Cos' I did them myself since young and I don't understand why I am the only one need to be like this at home!

My dear brother was used to work up by my mum till late Secondary school days.
His shoes were washed by my mum.
His clothes were well ironed always.
I wouldn't mind all these really, if only he ever learns to do it himself at times! And THEN APPRECIATE THEM!

For a record, he is not that bad I know.
Call me a jealous cat, I know I am.
I feel I deserved some fair treatment sometimes. I feel I deserved something which I can't quite described.
Everytime in the end...I just feel I can't go back to what I wish anyway.

And that is why I am sick of people who are rich, well fed, never have to lift a hand on house chores, never have to worry financially, never have to spare an extra thought on family unless needed to, complaining about life!

It just crumpled to my own inferiority or what I wish I could have since young.
Did I mentioned I never quite like my paternal relatives and of cos' my cousins from them.
Since young, I am quite shy and didn't like to meet them.

They are rich, english speaking, good schools and they have parents for WEEKENDS!
I don't feel associated with them.
I don't feel comfortable in conversing in English then. My grades can never be compare to them. Yes, I don't go to Junior College and have no money for University cos' my parents can afford my life like their parents CAN.
Their parents work in buildings while I watch mine slogged in sweat in hawker centres.
Yes, I don't like piano or have money to go aboard!
Yes I dont have maid and never have dinner together at a table.
Yes, I don't sleep in air conditioned room like you guys!

That's why I swear to let my parents to enjoy a better lives like they too deserved to.
I don't get As but at least I dont get Ds!
I want them to look upon me like they wish I am their daughter instead.
I know how to think, I know how to behave, I know how to survive, I know how to make my own money and I never have anyone to worry for me!

And that is precisely why I don't understand why among 3, I am the only one who think and feel this way.
You can tell me that this isn't right but I never think this is wrong!

I am often a bag of tightly knotted wires.
That's why people think I am more sensible, more mature, more whatever and I don't care!
I just know that people are counting on me and I am expected to be able to do things right on my own.
I don't dislike all these really.
But I don't understand why it is like only me?

Is that why I am always lonely inside or why I am scared of loneliness and YET I can feel noone can ease that.

Am I expected to be so till I die?

I always want to throw everything away and be alone living a life in another place.
Even I have to be alone, do my own chores, sing my own songs, I think I would be happier anyway.

Well..let me tell you this. I never feel unfortunate despite all those I written.
I am always thankful to God that I have a home, parents, sibilings, job, friends, health and so on.

I just feel that I wanna live a life whereby it is only me, my feelings and thoughts that mattered.
It is if not exhausting, for my life to be like that always.

And I wish I have a choice.
Or the heart to have a choice...Cos' if I do things my way based on my will, someone else will be upset.
I won't be bothered too much if that someone else arent my parents. Cos I saw how my mum is upset by my elder brother, I just cant have the heart to do the same.

And I dont understand why me.
Can I trade places but would I?

I dont wanna repeat anymore. Too much just makes me another whiner of life and they deserve to scram.

So I give it a pass.

I am kinda having a headache now. Guess the cold wind just freezes my brain and we call that "Brain Freeze~"
-_- Lame, I know.

I was really tired today. I felt I hadn't rest enough. (Not forgetting the rather sad yet disturbing nightmare. To think it was a story of Vampire!)

Went to SMU for lunch with Fyn.
I almost felt young there, though fact that I am!
It was so lively and yea students all around.
Passed by the Drama and Music lab and it looked so fun to be inside! I badly wish to be there, even if it's for a week.(a day's never enough.)
Saw Nina but didn't called her. Not being anti social but I can't quite explain why I was doing there.
It is kinda sad for me to explain,"Oh hey~I'm working nearby,like very near only.So how's studies here?"
I just feel sad I ain't part of it.
Yes, I wanna study.
The thoughts of digesting hard facts, formulas etc didn't quite spur me but it is the campus life I seek.
Don't tell me about taking part time courses instead.
In the first place I wouldn't have that kinda money(for part time course even!!) and studying part time means you are studying for the sake of STUDY.
This isn't quite my case though that's the eventual thing afterall.
It is the life I want, the feel I yearn.

Gosh..I felt all blood rushing up my head and think I could sit here and vomit blood suddenly.

Work was fine.Higher responsibility comes with price.
I didn't think I am one notch above others but I didn't think I am any below either.
I meet creeps, creepier creeps and so on. Fair share of nice people but I deserve them.
I am doing jobless a service. I am doing employers a service. I am doing a service and I feel underpaid...severly.

People don't and won't look at me like how people of my age deserve to in actual.
Here I am talking in pro with people sitting in high rise buildings.Would they know how old I am and how long I have been in this line?

Yes I am proud of myself but I am just underpaid.
Day in and day out, I am just helping people to get a job that pays a few levels up mine.
$2000,$2800,$5000 and man what can be my record?

With recognition, I am expected more @ work.
What do I hope to acheive?

Anyway the last 30 mins of work was great cos we weren't doing any.
Albin came back to surprise. I would be proud if say...my girl is to get a guy like him.
Where on earth can you find such boy next door and cute and decent and shy and honest and depenable guy around in this age!!
I would be happy if any friend I know becomes his gal. Our best bet is Fyn. Haha. Fyn is such a great gal afterall. The world could do more of them and less of me.
My blessings to know such nice people and they are friends.=)

I badly need an undisturbed sleep.
My bio clock rings at 6am!! Every 6 in the morning, I would check my hp and hurried for another 50 minutes snooze.

And the sad thing is I couldn't...not for the next few days and work resumes on Wed.

Bummer!

It's comforting to know afterall..

I got a mind that works.
Group of friends that rock.
Good colleagues.
A stable and makes me in demand job.
A blog.

Xin nian kuai le.

=)

Had a rather busy day and my energy was zapped out by 4pm.
Nothing special though. Just thankful that there is no bloopers today.

Looking forward to Chinese New Year?
I just cant wait for the 3 days break which I could really use of.
Gals, gotta keep your skin in tip condition.
(And bumper!I have a pimple near my eye x( )
My parents wont be around for this festive so it may be slightly different this year.
Slightly..during the nights but again not a problem.

I just can't wait for Friday to end.
Everyday I just wonder why are there 5 weekdays and then 7 days in a week?
The seventh day is rest day and I just wish I could recommend an eighth day as a celebration day to the Almighty.
Hehe.


Nothing much.

Let's hold on.

Lonely night, I'm not lonely

I especially like this song.
It's a Chinese song and of cos' I am hearing it from Chen Weilian's album. (Thanks boo!)

Would it be true?
If the person you love wont be by your side, would you not feel lonely in the lonely nights?

Quite frankly, I have no wish to find up.
Because I am 'fraid of loneliness though I won't die like fish without water.

How are you?
Are you doing ok?
Are you safe, healthy and happy like I always prayed for you?
Do you even think of me sometimes...even if it is for a mere fraction of a minute?
Though you probably won't know...But I do miss you.
Take good care.
Probably we won't ever meet.

And I hope you wouldn't be lonely...ever.


*For a dozen of people I miss. I am talking about yous.

Mich...

Thy name is Trouble,Hassle,Insecurity,Jealousy,Short-tempered and Woe.

But he still loves you.

Happy 31st(& one) month.

Man...

Thy name is Insensitiveness and I hate thou!

Just another peachy day

I know in any jobs, you would bound to meet hurdles and challenges.
You would tend to get upset,angry and all the blues.
Life's not a bed of roses, especially work.

It was bad for me today.
Guess it's typical.
But it was still bad if I have to scream over the phone today.
And everyone was kinda shocked that I screamed shouted ....talked so loudly and furiously over the phone.
I was usually the cool cat but I was really mad this morning.
I would say I kinda lost it, I was so boiling mad when the whole thing that that eejit was trying to say was fucking pointless.
And I would repeat a thousand times if I have to, FUCKING POINTLESS!
And the person wasn't those bright, pretty kind.
Despite 23, she looks very old and with a fashion that would be passe even in the 80s.
I totally despise such group of people. Not because of the looks but because of her whole attitude and thinkings are so damn WRONG!

What adds on is that she hasn't really been working since her last score with UOL and it doesn't help when she has got an old fashioned and over protective old mother shielding her from the world.
I ain't being mean but I still have to say, not with any prejudice, that one look and you know she couldn't make it in the working world.
And you know what her mom told me??(Yes. She doesnt dare to speak to me after that and got her mum to talk to me instead!What?Baby!!)
She only wants her daughter to find a forever job!(Yes, that auntie said 'yong yuan de gong"!)
For your information, the only job experience I see from her resume was that pathetic 2 years in UOB(which I have yet to determine if it's a fraud) ended in 2002. She was an A level student. Didnt make it to local Uni, study UOL, grad in Jun 2005 and NEVER work since!
I shall keep my further comments, tell me about it.

I have no comments about the loving mother but it is not right to be over protective.
Infact I would,if I have kids, let them be independent as young as possible. At least nurture them slowly in this aspect cos' I am brought up like this. Or I am such person myself. I don't see what is wrong of being more street wise and mature for your age.
We are talking about survival afterall!

And the rest of the day just went peachy for me and Fyn especially.
Sigh.

I am not exactly weary of these.
But maybe it was partly due to I am kinda strained by the (bad) things going on lately.
Mostly my friend's matter.
Do you have any idea how freaking worried I am to harbour the fear that they might just pop out at my doors anytime? How much I hate to think that I have to tell her straight eventually when I really don't wanna do that.

It's not staying easy anymore.
I am looked upon well by my boss at work and am selected to be the next in line for Tracy.
I looked upon Tracy well but it does mean that I have to perform twice as better now. Not only because I have to but now I am expected to!
When now it is the time I find it hard to concentrate sourcing for her and mine at the same time.
They are all very different items but I know I have to deliver them.
And it gripped me when I know I did not deliver them or do them well.

The tension is on the ride and I know I have to overcome this myself before I can go on higher.
I have no complaints.
I just prayed for more strength.

I am just weary of things like these lately.
They bring me down and I need to learn to be more mature and cool in handling these.

And well...coming to this line, I realise..why should I bother that much.
I am always the laid back soul.
I walk slowly.
I wont give chase to coming buses.
I dont even like to think much.

And yea...why should I give myself the load to cry?
Just walk in the park and life's a daily show.

Just hope tomorrow gets better.

If I have to shout, I shout.
If I have to be mean,I be mean.
If I have to ignore rudely,I ignore.

All in a day's job.
Why should I give so much damn?

Oh yawn...

Kitkat.

An agony letter

At one point of another, I do feel a tinge of sympathy for outdoor sales persons.
Be it you are selling tissues, tickets or any companies' products.
No matter how kind or innocent you appear to be, you will be treated with coldness.And that is just the lightest treatment.
Come to think of it, everyone is just making a living.


My personal opinion is that you CAN go far in sales but it really depends on what kinda products or services that you are doing.
You can't upgrade your standard of living if you are forever selling products like Osim.
Eventually it is the CEOs of Osim that earn, not you.

Back to sales, I especially dislike persistent sales personnel.
That is no doubt one of the characteristic that all sales persons must have.
But I believe in what we called the sales ethnics as well.

I, myself am one foot in the sales industry and the other foot in human resource.
What I feel is that at the end of the day, you do not and shouldn't gain sales through forcing. (Yes, soft forcing or hard on war is a BAD MORAL!)
You can do all you can, but if you can't hook the fish don't force it. (Or the whole sea will condemn you.)
If no interest is shown, leave it.
I'm such person. I destest to be forced on. If I am interested, I will bite the bait. If I am not, you probably wont hear from me.

Now quit beating around the bush.
I think it was only last Friday??My friend brought her damn irritating bro-in law to my house, UNINVITED AND UNWELCOME!
Say 'Oops, they did it again...last night!"

I was back with my mum from Bishan. I didn't even step in my house and I already hear their voices inside.
Can you imagine how my parents feel?And I hate it when they tried to involve my family!
At that point of time, I wonder how to contact the terrorists?I badly wanna get rid of them no matter how.

I am seldom the blunt nor insensitive type.
They pushed me to it yesterday.
My first sentence was,"Why you never make an appointment before coming?!"And my tone was never friendly.I almost wanna chase them out with the parang.

All the time I keep on emphasizing how much of uninterest that me and my family have for such kinda products as well as MLM.
I even tried to be nice and said things like should I or anyone I know ever need their products/services, I will give them a ring.
But really FUCKing HELL!That guy never learns to draw the line and I was boiling mad!

Hey I dont wanna use that F word here,man!Infact I wanted to refrain as much as possible to curse in this year.
But the moment that they leave, I point my finger at their backs.
It was damn mean,I agree, but I was AM damn pissed!

And he even said he will come another time!
Fucking bugger!
I hate to be disturbed and more so if my family is involved for nothing!

Hey I hate to turn my back on our friendship but I swear if there is another "house visit", I will find it hard to even call her a friend.
It is just so upsetting eventually.

In the first place,I dont think it is nice of a FRIEND to use our relationship and manipulates it!
If I let myself into their services, whose good it is to eventually?
Whose money is gonna be credit and debit?
Fuck!Don't tell me the blardy nonsenses,I am not soft anymore ok.
I am once,twice and even more for the sake of our friendship but what the fuck you treat me for?!

I don't wanna do this,trust me.
I hate to think of the day whereby I will totally ignore her and think of the good times painfully.
Maybe I am taking this with more than a big spoonful of salt,but I am truely unhappy about how this whole thing plays. (And I am damn defensive about my family!)

God....
I feel that this is stupid.
I don't wanna get to this and I don't want anything bad to come outta it eventually.
I just hope that she will get the heavy signal from last night and really will not come to disturb me and my family along with her brother in law~
Trust me, I truely hope that she will be happy what she is doing but I do not want what she chose to do cause me unhappiness and straining our relationship.
I dont wanna be the ruthless one and cut things with a blunt knife.

I just hope this will end and no more until then....


Love,
Ling

Insatiable creatures, we are.

Sometimes Life do strikes me with alot of thoughts.
And often many people who like thinking do tell me that WE shared the same philosophy.
I wondered how many of those people actually really feels connected with my realm of thoughts?

Often I think that life is so typical, so boring.
I badly wish that I am one of those that can make a difference.
I am so 'fraid to fall into those lives that I can finished talking about it in a minute.

Many are rich.
Many are poor.
And many are stuck in the middle.

Few are beautiful.
Many are made beautiful with the aid of make up.
Still there are many are plain.
Some are just not beautiful.

Very few are secure and happy all the time.
A whole lot just pretend to be that.
Many purposely revealed their vulnerability,hoping to seek attention.
Some hid so well and then they cried at night.


In love.
Outta love.
You say you will miss me.
You say that you wont love another.
Bye bye.
The once joined worlds are different stories now.

Happy.
Sad.
Angry.
Jealous.
Moody.
Estatic.

Hungry.
Full.

Grandma.
Grandpa.
Mum.
Dad.
Bro.
Sis.
Girlfriend.
Boyfriend.
Buddies.
Friends.
Colleagues.
Acquaintance
Strangers.
Pets.
Strays.
Enemies.
Nonchalent.

Hi and Bye.
Good morning and good night.

Life's a story and it is almost all the same now.

I want a different line.
Then how different can I be?

And to sum these up, I dunno what am I talking about.

And I'm thirsty again.

A material girl part two - It's good enough!

Soon after I finished my last entry on the Material Girl, I soon thought what about those who told me that,"It's good enough."

Good enough = Content
Good enough dictates a tone of being satisfied = Content.

Good enough, better than never, however implied such message to me.

"I give up and I'm not gonna try."

There is a very thin line of gap of being ambitious and being greedy.
Greedy is asking for More while I think what I want is to ask for Better.


For instance...

Grade B is good enough.
Giodarno is good enough.
Mcdonald's ice cream is good enough.
Literally brandless tops/watches/shoes/bottoms etc are good enough.

But don't you want these....

Grade A or Distintion.
Giordarno Ladies.
Sweswens or Haagen Daz.
Nike apparels.

Who doesnt want to wear good, look good, eat good?

My idea is while I'm very thankful for the very nice shelter and the comfort that I am enjoying in God's blessing, I too shouldnt be always content on what I am having.
I mean I am content!
But I just think that I should "fight" for more while I can.

I dont wanna live my life in vain.

Eve's peak of life is very vulnerable and short as compared to Adam's.

I really wanna do more and get more.

At the end of the day, my material possessions still doesn't measure me.

I'm falling.
Falling to the world of ind-uhviduals.
Where covering myself with a good wrapper is important then necessary.

I miss those days when it's no big deal if ya just a ugly duckling.
Sure you would desired the attention of others but it doesnt hurt to have less and none.

I miss those days when you would glee if your mum bought clothes for you. (even now you think back it was really bad!)

The many goods and olds.

When I grow old, I will then return to the state where I begin.
Wearing good and nice clothes doesnt really matter.
Eating a 50 cents ice cream is good.(Provided ice creams still goes for 50 cents then.)
Doesnt matter what colour of my hair is and how it is styled.
Doesnt matter if I dont bother to look at the mirror.
All that matters is that my heart returns to the old and grey days. Not colourful as before but it is reminiscent that comfort us.

It is good enough.
Good enough and good enough.
Define enough?
I will tell you if I reach 60.

A material girl

Before I realised it,I have already slipped back to my Garfield's way of life.
Of cos' I portioned the blame to the weather these days.
*Shiver*
I hate to wake up to work and there is hardly a day I could remember waking up without thinking of getting leave or MC.

Tracy could be my or our big guide as well as remainder to watch our fashion steps.
Colours mismatch is a joke in the butt.
(Nice)Blings blings are essential for girls.(And then for metrosexual)
Make up!Not only it is professional but deadly important. Don't get caught with overly or underdone!Waring sirens ahead!
Shoes,bags,tops,bottoms.Never too enough. Every colour must be collected eventually.Trust me,collecting colours will never leave you behind the seasons.

At times,I was inspired to be a rip off from the fashion magazines.
It is however not possible(yet) to own whatever that is featured there. My financial status guards me well from splurging like $50 and beyond for just a piece of cloth or make up or accessory or what have you.

I never put on thick make up to work.
A light smear of foundation(I heard is just to even up the skin tone ).
Sometimes I am even lazy to curl my lashes and just dab a lil' mascara.
Just pencil over my brows for the sake of it when it doesnt help much cos' my brows are okay-ly defined already.
Careful use of blusher.
Gurgle my mouthwash before I touch my lips with a dab of my juicy lip balm.(Which is gone by the time I reached work.)
The only thing that I use alot is of cos my concealor.

F.Y.I...
Foundation,Concealor from ZA.
Blusher, mascara and eye brow pencil from Maybelline.
Lip balm from Bodyshop.
See!I could have swear I'm under spending when my colleagues buy from those beauty advisors.
Chanels' foundation!Can you believe it? I though I could really only buy Chanel's perfume if I strike rich one day.

That is only the basic and I dunno how to do more.
DIY till I'm like from the fashion magazines.


Putting makeup aside,let's talk about skin care.
Shame to admit,me no use those famous Cinique,Biotherm and blah blah blah.
I merely keep my limits to Watsons and maybe those budget face care shop like Missha.
And I peel my eyes for those samples found in those magazines sometimes.
*Bawls*

And what about clothes?
U2 is my most affordable hunt for "office" clothes. I have only got a set from G200 and I bought them at $50 nett.
And quite frankly I dont even like their designs,materials and cuttings most of the time!
Monday to Friday. It soon becomes a light chore to think what same old clothes can create a brand new moi.
Weeks after weeks. I rather solve ten Algebra sums and you spare me that for a month.

I love to shop.
Correction.
I WOULD love to shop.
But each time I did spend that lil,I went home to check my budget.My red alarm sirens would be on.
I really gotta watch it before fire sets in.
And you know how PAINFUL and UNBEARABLE it is to not be able to shop to your heart's content, WHEN YOU ARE A GIRL???!!!!

Top Shop
Esprit
Sense
Ness
Mphosis
ALOT OTHERS MORE

And the bad thing is I DONT like Sales!
I hate the crowd.
I hate the rojak apparels that lose the style and the good feel that it should bring when thrown to dumps and been crumpled by many hands.
I hate the dust that's choking my throat and irritating my eyes.
I hate the busy sales persons and some are damn rude.
I hate the queue outside the fitting room.
And I hate when the feeling of buying things are Poof*

I'm not buying your poultry and vegetables,ok?

Enough said.
I'm not gonna wake up tomorrow and become Cindy Crawford.
But maybe it will setin my mind to try to look a lil' model-lic tomorrow.

Ta~

What's up with flowers & girls?

Every gal,except florists perhaps, would agree that flowers are quite a waste of money.
And usually we wouldn't want our boyfriends to spend that kinda money on something that wouldn't last for more than a week.
And quite realistically, rocks are far better.
(Ditto! I'm referring to diamonds.)

I was reading the Oct'05 issue of Her World just now.

Think I should leave you with some stories written there.

"Knowing that she was down with flu, I went to her place to give her a single stalk of pink rose. But instead of giving it to her personally, I left it on the gate to surprise her when she opened the door. She loved it so much she put a picture of it on her blog to show to the world." - Vinson,26.

"Three or four years ago, I sent a dozen of red roses to my wife's office. She ahd told me specifically not to waste money on flowers during Valentine's Day, so I knew she wasn't expecting any. But when she received them, she was so delighted that she forgot to scold me for blowing all that money." - Adrian 35.

"My girlfriend was getting all stressed up over examinations so I wanted to do something to cheer her up and take her mind off her school work. Being based in Perth, I couldn't be around to comfort her in Singapore. So, I ordered a bouquet of sunflowers online, and had them delivered it to her house. She called me to tell me that it was the first time in that week she actually smiled." -Scott 25.

"It was a few months ago and we were celebrating her birthday at the MArriott. I prepared a hugh bouquet of red roses to propose to her. When she saw the flowers, she was so overwhelemed, she said yes, even before I could bring out the ring!" -Alex 27


The first question that popped to my mind is "Are these guys for real?"

The first conclusion that crossed my mind is "Flowers are still tools for romance."

And then I just thought that it is not really those flowers that do the act. Sure they are great tools.
But even great tools cant be used often so they simply become blunt.

I really think it is nothing but the technique, the simple yet sincere but really romantic act that gets it going on.

The first one was especially sweet, I felt.

Sigh...

What's up with flowers and girls?

I'd say..What's up with romance and girls?

=)

Untitled 1

A house on fire
A wall of stone
A door that once was opened
An empty face and empty bones
Who ate your heart?
You're cold inside
You're not the one I hoped for
I'll see you on the other side
I'll see you on the other side

The wind wouldn't blow me home
To lie in your heart of hearts
Will I ever see you again
And lie in your heart of hearts
Who ate your heart?
You're cold insideYou're not the one
I hoped forI'll see you on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
The wind wouldn't blow me home
To lie in your heart of hearts
Will I ever see you again
And lie in your heart of hearts

- Keane

Uninvited irritants

Mostly never a pleasant surprise for me.
And they have to pop by the unwanted timing or simply some of them are unwanted guests for me.

I reached home near 10pm today only to be really surprised by a visit of my friend(and her brother in law).
Before I stepped in,my mum said that I have a friend.
I was expecting anyone but her!

"What are you doing here?", a sentence almost slipped outta my mouth if my tongue isnt dry from thirst.
The intention was quite obvious anyway.
What else but to persuade me (and my mum this time) for their MLM?

I'm usually never the quick one to pass judgement.
If you think you are keen for it,go ahead. Not that it is doing harm.
But now she is really damaging the likings I had for her.

I was full of praises and likings for that dear friend of mine.
And when she chose to go into MLM,I was very encouraging of it.
But again and again, she had to use the sake of our friendship and tried to force me into it.
I thought the las t time was the limit!I never really pick up her calls again.
Of cos' that was till she chose to pop me a surprise visit tonight!

Wtf was that all about?
My late dinner became my supper!

1st thing 1st!
It is already rude to turn up uninvited.
2nd!
It was not for any sake of visiting a friend of the good old times.
3rd!
She broke the line of the friendship and now all that are left is my unsincere smiles and greetings.
4th!
She brought her bro in law tonight just becos she knew her,herself alone is not a very powerful sales person.
5th!
Dont bullocks about all those golden mottos. I'm a sales person myself!I dont do my job cos I wanna help those unemployed pple or for better employed opportunities,ok? If that is the case, you and me can never produce the figures I do and we might as well all open charities cos' LOVE is FREE!

Sigh.

Have you realised how superficial the world has become as you grow up?
The rainbows start to peel and nothing is true?
Of cos' I didnt think that life or the world suck like some idiots.
But I just think...

...
it is kinda sad...eventually.

It rained the whole day today.
Compared to last year, Jason's birthday this year was less planned.
Everything,almost was part of the spontaneity deal.

I love that Mickey's shirt I got it at M-industrie.And it was Pink!Nothing too sissy about that colour and design though. Purely metrosexual!
Really initiate to be another Nike shirt but spontaneity leads me to something new.

So we had lunch at NYDC,wheelock.
How do you spell..."recce?" again??
Anyway my plan was to went down Orchard and search the places for a few good restuarants/cafes and meet him at a certain time while I waited.
He chose NYDC and so we sat there.
Performed a few surprises 'stunts'. Hehe.

It was raining the whole day today and still is now.
We went back to Chinatown again in search of that Green(Brazil 3rd W.C) Nike bag in tip top condition,gg for half price of the market.
It's gone,within a day.
Lalaa...haha.
Got a V-Gundam (model toy)and an optical mouse.Too's a gain.

Badly wish I have done more than what I did today to make it more special.
Oh I did plan to take photos in that machine but we didnt pass by those shops plus I look f8. (f8 = fat/ fab

Anyway it's such a great weather to snooze in.
Would have done so if my stomach aint full of chicken rice.(My dad's cookings could kill me. My waist that is.)

Happy 22nd,Jason!

May a great year comes by your way!

Love,
Ling

He puts on Age, by another year =D

I was reading what I did for his birthday last year.
I think I put in more effort last year.
Not 22 is not special but I think each year carries a different significance and even a simple celebration can be as wonderful.
I am Amazing when it comes to romances.
=}

Went to Chinatown today. Didnt manage to catch the fireworks though.
I thought it would be great basking in the festive atmosphere of Chinatown but soon the crowd wears me off.
Not to mention how boring it was to see similar SAME things everywhere.
But still I enjoyed the night.At least we dont have to sweat. Thank God for the rain!

And so he turns 22.
22 to 24 seems a gr8 age for guys.
But trust me...I wont be that anticipating towards my next birthday.
I just turned 21 and noone is eager for the next (and the next and the next...)one.

Happy Birthday,Boo~

The Art of Spontaneity

Is just Miche!

I love the artless moments that I lived.
I doesnt like to think twice and beyond.
I have a mind which imagination's the sky the limit.

If I can,I dont even wanna have plans for my life.
If I can,I would just imagine my days ahead.
Never an edge,never an end.

I don't just think,feel and act like a girl.
You are so wrong if you think I'm your average girl next door.
I am but I am more.
I do think,feel and act like a guy sometimes. If not, even better!

Being spontaneous could be dangerous.
Being spontaneous could be selfish.
Being spontaneous could be wrong even.

But I never know how long I can live.
But I do know that I'm not too young already.
(When my friends get married one by one and I got reminded that we all are growing up, or grew up.)

Being spontaneous is just for myself, my right, my joy.

And spontaneity doesnt requires another party.

My Art of Spontaneity.
Something you can never acheive,no doubt you can be sponatenous too.

My Art of Spontaneity.
Exclusively Miche.

Bonnuit.

Another got hitched!

It was like hearing my school got bombed.(Something I used to wish during examinations time)
How can this happen?
I mean it CAN happen but hack,it almost got me killed!

Well...Literally.

I lunched in this afternoon.
So while munching away my regular 'cha chai fan', I took the time to check my personal mails as well.
My friends were thinking having a CNY gathering when really we just met each other for X'mas last month.Haha..not that I mind of cos'.

It was those kinda regular 'reply to all' emails so you really got alot of mails.
You only need to read the last one to see the what the others wrote.
(So why the hack am I explaining the trival?)

I didn't quite understand what Shaowei meant by 'all getting married and becoming Mrs'.
I thought the only person that is really getting married(and can afford to) is Irene.
At least I wouldnt be surprised if it is Jaslyn who got hitched next.She's the next tai-tai in line.
But NON!

It is Weisieng!My dear!
I almost choked myself when I read "I'm getting married this year, this year end!" and I gave a loud gasp in the office.
My goodness!

It was like only really after exams on our last year of poly that we understand that she was attached.
It was like only sometime that she wasnt quite happy with her bf.(And I thought they break but no they didnt.)

And now I read this,"I'm getting married this year, this year end!"

Look no offense on ill feeling.
I like Weiseing and am really happy if she found the guy that she can decides to be together for life.(Or at least she thinks so.It's enough.)

I just think it takes alot of COURAGE even to get married.
No,I'm not afraid of it or those that thinks marraige are tombstones. Um....
I'm Ms.Fairytale ok?As long as there's romance, everything is good. No romance, marraige is just a peice of paper with your and his/her name on it.

I don't wanna judge or quote others.Let's just take ME as example.

My dear friend is like a year older than me and so is Irene.
I can close my eyes on Irene cos' her life is deem to be nothing but LUXURIOUS.

So even if I'm like 22, any guy or even Jason(if he can) proposes to me..I think I will scream my head off and slits my own throat, and dies like how chickens are slaughtered!

Kidding-_-!

I will most likely still scream my head off and use my entire savings to fly to an unknown island, and becomes an exotic dancer.(and never be found)

I mean,look at me, look at where we stayed.
I'm a Singaporean and we stay in this high standard living dot!

At 22,I probably would still work very hard,figuring if I should con't try hitting the peak or switch a new line altogether.
At 22,I probably would still be able to afford my own expenses, perhaps a lil more than now.(I expect!) BUT NOT A FLAT,LIVING FOR TWO!
At 22,I probably be just as mature as I am BUT NEVER MATURE ENOUGH TO THINK I CAN GO AND LIVE WITH ANOTHER MAN!
At 22,I still cant step in the kitchen and wont be kind enough to do all the housechores which I dont feel that 'they' are mine.
At 22,I still cant be bothered with alot of things other than me,myself and I, let alone you,me and us.
*Shivers*

Yes!
I can't think of settling at such a tender age when I didnt do alot of things.
Yes!
I dreamt of getting married early and probably would love to settle before 27 at most.
But I'm saying 27, earliest 25. NOT 22,23,24!

What is 22,23,24?Just a few years from now and I'm not young anymore,yea?
How much can I grow from just 2 years from now, say if I'm 22 this year!

Even if I meet the right guy, even if that guy can afford, even ifthat guy is everything I wanted, even if that guy is Hugh Jackman or Richard Gere I can't be label with the status of MARRIED at 22 or 23 or 24!

=[

I dunno,man.
Of cos words are always just words and it never hurts to rant a lil.

Let's just put it as I'm a lil shocked today and that kinda pumps my adrenaline today so it's good cos I'm busy the whole afternoon.
I like it when I'm busy.It makes me feel important!Haha.

I supposed I do actually have alot to say about the issue but I kinda forget everything now after listening (and trying to sing ,in failed attempt) this song.


Did I hear you right?
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight

Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?


But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Cause you're only almost here


I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me


Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you


Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you


But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I?m close to tears.Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

-Almost here - Bryan Mcfadden & Delta Goodrem.

While I was clicking away at Friendster, a friend of mine or strictly acquaintance caught my attention.
Didn't and never really pay attention to his profile till I realised how much of a man had he become.
My impression of Zen was just a fun loving or loving fun hobbit like boy hopping around with his stunts on bike.
He was too the hobbit boy who seek for love desperately(in a good manner).

Zen was attached long ago and I just re-discovered how much a Romeo that Zen could be.
Hobbit no more or really he had evolved to a love blossom hobbit.
Not really ignoring the fact that him and his found love must have been through the rough days but what I read was nothing but a pure innocent love story.

Good O'Zen, he is.

Bites of envious left marks in my heart.

Romeo,Romeo.
I fancy no letters or beautiful poems that you can sing.
But where art thou?

I ain't no Juliet myself though.

But hack~That still doesnt erase the fact of how I felt.

And so it begins..

By the second day,Miche is obviously slipping back to her laziness and laidback lifestyle.
And that is the way she is!
At work,at home,at leisure,at bed.

To make sure I started 2006 right, I cleared my wardrode yesterday.(And still finds no Narnia.)
I 'donated' some of the clothes that I refuse to fit in or they refuse to fit me to my relatives in China.Whoever they can be cos' I hardly remember what I did there when I was 16.

Probably someone who doesnt has good memory can never be too bright.

I slept late cos' I was reading a book loaned from Jurong East library on the Eve of 2006.
(Nothing's 2005 anymore.)
I woke up late and con't to laze and woke even later.
Picked my book and con't to do what I did the night before.
Finished the book and you can almost say it was a crappy one.
But well you can learn how to mimic in Irish cos' that book's events took place in Dublin.
Ireland is supposingly a weird traditional(in their own valued traditions) country (is Ireland even a country?Whatever grade I scored in Geography/History that time certainly doesnt says much)that is as opposed to her neighbour - England. Like us to Malaysians. Sometimes I still find them 'funny' in which to your own definitions.

I still have another and at the rate that I read, I probably finish it faster than LOTR trilogy plays.

And so I thought that tomorrow may be a dread as I must drag or we all must to work.
It's like the feeling of going back to start a new semester except that it is always less exciting and then again less a term that says less than the word 'freaky'. Whatever that you can think of, I'm moving on.

As the cycle takes off,I wonder where did all the good feel of the new year gone to.
Could life never be interesting again or must I be condemed as a boring ind-uhvidual?

Now this brain of mine better not get too smart cos' I will often put others down who cant match my intellectual thoughts, or so I think.
And this heart of mine better not get too melancholic before the world becomes so grey that everyone else fades away.

And I am still waiting for something which I'm quite appalled!
No amount of words could have pleased me now.
It was just downright dissapointing.

Well if you would excuse me,I have to begin the chores of Cinderella.

Somethings never change even as the New year begins.
And I'm not just referring to the chores nor my habits.

Smell of the First day

Is always fresh.
Even the rain seems so beautiful and doesnt damper any mood(of mine) at all.

Happy New Year, people!

Didn't stay for the fireworks last night but was too a memorable one with a God send lil' angel.

2006 strikes with a stroke of luck, even I'm not too sure if WE are right about it or not.
I was praying hard for forgiveness at all time though.
But it sure makes another one happy and maybe she* deserves that* more than the initial one.

Did plan a few resolutions for the new year but pretty sure ain't gonna mark them all.
But my utmost aim for this year is to be a better person ,in each and every aspect that I can, than the previous.

Eating healthy and like a French (That means, eat slowly) is rather important to me.
For a person who doesnt work out at all, it pays to be careful with the figure.
Having the height is a blessing but watching the waist is the woe.

Laugh more.
Sure Miche is no complete soul with no melancholic side of hers. But the fact is everyone do likes to see her laugh,smile and =)

Read more and listen more.
Good books and music.
Refine one's soul and personality.
I'm trying my best to find my way back to books and music once more.

Spend more time with mum and dad.
Now this is real hard and we all know how difficult it is. Still we (good children) are guilty striken.
I'm sure my brothers dont but I feel so sad and bad whenever I have to leave the house if they are at home.
Argh!
Two way blades, double edge sword,front back daggers..whatever you called them. This is never gonna be easy.
(And that's why I'm trying to make up for gifts that I can buy for them. $200 still doesnt cease the pain.)

Lazy no more!
Blah!That's not possible.
Lazy...Less.

Twice the sales!Twice the sales!

Tantrums less too.
But I think that is too deep in the bone already and someone isnt stopping it.

Love more!Patience more!Happy more!
3 essentials for life happiness...Well at least for this year.


Et Cetra.


Well it's gonna be another 12 months ahead.
It's tiring when you think of it.

But when you think of it and all the good plans you have, it isnt so bad.

At least dont ruin January yet.
;)

And we say,"Happy New Year"

However your past year may be.

May this new year brings peace,hope,love to the world.

I prayed a long prayer.

For every single souls I know and dont know.

May 2006 be a smooth ride and be thankful for every coming day.

Love,

Miche